Channel surfing late one night, Fulton County area pervert Don Stephenson was shocked to find a team of Seattle Sounders playing soccer. Watching with horror, Stephenson was amazed to see them running for upwards of an hour, kicking a ball around a field, and even jumping.
“I’m stupified. As a sounder myself I don’t think I could do that at any point in the process. It’s really incredible what professional athletes are able to accomplish.” said Stephenson. “I just imagine it hurts quite a bit.”
As the game concluded, Stephenson began a series of Google searches including ‘Are the Seattle team the only sounders in major league soccer’ as well as ‘Do seattle sounders have lower fertility rates’. When reached for comment on his research he responded with a series of questions about how sounder is defined in terms of professional soccer.