Nickelback Shelves New Album Following Iran Ceasefire
Vancouver, BC
Beloved Canadian rock band Nickelback have announced that they have shelved plans for a new album following a ceasefire agreement between Iran and the Trump regime in the United States. The band cited concerns that market conditions were no longer optimal for a new release following the sudden onset of peace.
When reached for comment, lead singer Chad Kroeger had this to say.
“As a band we really found our footing making music that gets your step-cousin to join the National Guard. Without incessant conflict in the Middle East our music simply won’t have the same impact.”
Before the violent change to the status quo in the region, the US had become embroiled in what appeared to be very promising hostilities with Iran. As public support for the war has waned and the impact of the ongoing conflict put strain on consumers, Nickelback once again saw opportunity to release music for a new era of American boot camp inductees and ROTC hopefuls.
“In the generation that has followed the recruiting push of the Global War on Terror, Nickelback’s influence has been significantly reduced. With peace creeping across the Middle East, it’s likely that an environment that could support high prices at the gas pump and a multi-front war in West Asia, let alone the musical stylings of ‘Dark Horse’, no longer exists. Two decades after a generation of young men had their tours in Iraq and Afghanistan set to a soundtrack of ‘Silver Side Up’ and ‘The Long Road’ it seems that their step-children may be saved a similar fate.” said remarkably long winded cultural critic Geroy Simon.